My Shrine and Meditation Table

Today I went to IKEA and bought a little table to set up my meditation stuff and my shrine. I also got a little blue candle for the shrine and am hoping to get a few more things, like fake flowers or potpourri. And I got some little blue towels as the lubricant I used for the Jade Stem exercises can leave a bit of a mess. The table I got was actually meant to be a tv stand but it works perfectly and is small enough for me to sit in front of cross legged and not have it tower over me. I’m hoping to get a cloth to cover the table too.

It looks so much neater and is such a nicer place to do my practices. I can’t wait to finish my shrine and have everything set up nicely.

The Penis Is Too Big!

My lover’s penis cast has turned out to be too big for my Jade Stem exercises, so today I went back to Sexyland and bought the smallest dildo that they had! 

I was a little bit disappointed as it is not skin colour but a see through light blue colour so it is less realistic. But the rubber is such good quality and very soft and comfortable. It smells hard core though! But it will give me a more comfortable practice, so that is good.

My Jade Stem exercises

On Monday I was taught the Jade Stem exercises. There were four exercises I was taught.

I have tried two of the exercises. They were both amazing. One of them (Opening the Mysterious Door) gave me an incredibly intense orgasm. It was so good!

The other one (Jade Maiden Gazes on the DragonHead) gave me such a feeling of excitement yet peace and contentment at the same time. It was really amazing.

I am really looking forward to practicing them more and practicing them regularly and seeing the changes that will happen in me physically and psychologically. I can already see that these are very powerful exercises.

I was thinking that the exercise I’m doing would to most people seem absolutely strange and mind-boggling but to me, they seem so naturally and I feel so at ease with them, like they are something I have always done, or something I did in a past life, or something that I was meant to do in this life. I look forward to them everyday and my day feels more complete when I have time to practise. I am very much looking forward to becoming more and more of a Tigress everyday.

Green Mist Filling My Mind

Today when I did the Bao Yi meditation, a strange thing happened. While I was holding the image in my mind, my vision just filled with this green misty haze. It floated in front of the image, although I could still see the image through it. I tried to shoo it away but it just stayed there. So I just hung out and watched it and let it float around in my field of vision. Then after a while it disappeared and the image was back to normal.

It was a very cool experience to have and nice to have some ‘affirmation’, so to speak, that my dedication to the practice is evolving or having some sort of impact.

The finer points of the Healing Tigress exercises

Today I was lucky enough to have another Tigress go over the Healing Tigress exercises with me.

I have already been able to learn the basics of the exercises from the DVD but it was really good to go through them with another Tigress and for her to teach me the finer details. I basically showed her what I have been doing and she helped correct my technique.

To practice them properly we both had to take off our tops and bras. So there I was, video chatting with another woman on the other side of the world, both topless and massaging our breasts!

It was very, very good though, and strangely felt so normal. I was very comfortable doing this with her, and she was so relaxed and friendly.

What I learnt most from today’s session, I think, was focus. To really focus on building up the qi in my hands, to focus on the qi on my hands moving into my breasts, and to really focus on the exercise that I’m doing and every movement and every breath. Before I guess it was getting a bit routine and I was zoning in and out a bit and doing it a bit on auto-pilot. But now, returning to the exercises, I am doing them with much more attention, remaining in the moment, and appreciating the amazing practice that I have been taught and have the privilege to undertake.

It was a great session with her and so nice to talk to another Tigress.

Penis Cast!

Today I made a cast of my lover’s penis!

We went to Sexyland about bought a penis casting kit called “Create-a-Willy”.

It was quite difficult as we had to get the timing and temperature of everything absolutely perfect for the mould to work. We also didn’t think it through before starting and ending up making an absolute mess of mould filling spilling all over his pants and the floor!

But it worked!! It was so amazing. I am very impressed with the casting… you can see his folds of skin, urethra opening, blood vessels, even the texture on his skin… it was a very accurate replica!

I’m so happy to have my jade stem now so I can start my jade stem exercises. I’m also really happy to have a little piece of my lover for the future when he goes away to his temple!

Meditation and Back Pain

Today I made a slight adjustment to how I do my Bao Yi mediation because of my back pain.

I have had back pain for a long time, almost fifteen years, and lately it’s become a real struggle to do the meditation because of the pain. One of the things that aggravates my back pain the most is sitting, so the seated meditation causes me to be in more pain (even though meditation is supposed to relax you and reduce pain levels, I guess I’m not yet skilled enough to meditate against the rising pain levels enough to counteract them!).

Anyway, I have stuck the poster up on my roof – it was quite a feat, being five foot tall I had to precariously balance on a stool on my bed, wobbling and trying to stick the poster on the roof and not fall over!

So, now I can lie on my bed and look at the poster. To stop the qi from escaping from my vaginal entrance, I scrunch up some of the bedsheet into a ball and place it there.

I think this will help my meditation practice a lot. I’ll be able to reduce my pain levels while doing it and I won’t be put off doing the practice on days where my pain levels are high because it won’t aggravate my back more. Score!

Mind blown!

I had the most mind-blowing experience today!

So I practiced what HS has told me to do in terms of recalling those feelings of being beautiful that I practice during my Healing Tigress exercises and carrying that into the real world.

So I have did that today and went to a conference I had on at Melbourne University. Usually I walk around in the world pretty oblivious and at times I walk around feeling pretty ugly and not really wanting to draw attention to myself.

But today when I walked around inducing these feeling so being attractive, the response was amazing. On the way to the conference I had two men greet me as they walked past. One said “Hello” as he walked by and another said “Good morning.” This was strange as I normally don’t strangers talk to me as I pass them on the street.

Then I came to this intersection and the two men driving cars, coming in opposite direction, both stopped their cars and waved me through. This was also out of the ordinary.

Then I got to the conference and I got there early and I had a cup of tea and chatted to the guy serving for a bit. Then I went into the conference venue and later that day, he came in with a plate with a selection of teas on it and a cup of hot water and walked up to my table and placed them down for me to have. This, too, was out of the ordinary as no other conference attendee has a selection of different teas brought in for them!

Then on the way home, I smiled at an older man as I got on the tram. After I got on, I dropped my ticket and he leapt several steps across the tram to get it for me! Again, an out of the ordinary occurrence, as I’ve never had anyone bound across a tram to help me before! Maybe if they were standing right next to me but never from across the other side of the tram.

Finally, as I was walking home, a man who passed me said “You are so beautiful”.

It was a really mind blowing day with so much attention from the men around me, all strangers and all done on their initiation – and I did nothing at all accept walk around feeling like I was beautiful! The reaction was really amazing and I guess it makes me think about what women life’s must be like who walk around feeling beautiful all the time.

Unfortunately for me, it’s not something that comes naturally and something that I need to concentrate on so hard and purposely cultivate. It’s also something I feel like I am only able to do when I actually spend a fair bit of time getting ready…. mormally, when I’m not ‘done’, it’s hard to believe that I’m attractive and so there are many psychological barriers to me walking around and feeling beautiful.

But I hope to practice it more and more until it becomes natural. I am really excited about the changes in my life that this may bring.

Dressing like a Tigress

My next step in becoming a Tigress is now to look like a Tigress. In our last meeting, HL said to me thata Tigress always looks her best because you never know what possibilities may arise when you are out and about in the world. HL advised me to always look nice when I leave the house and we also talked a bit about exhibitionism. The idea is to dress in a way that makes you feel sexy and alive and to generate your energy.

This is a big challenge for me because I often feel unattractive and ugly and don’t want to draw attention to myself or to have people look at me. But I’ve practised this twice now – walking around feeling attractive – and it is quite empowering. It is quite a different way of being in the world and I’ve already started to notice a difference in the way that men react to me. Yesterday when I was trying this I was standing at the tram stop and a man pulled up in his car and wound down his window and tried to pick me up! That’s never happened to me before!

I am beginning to see how this may be a very powerful change in the world and how practising this over and over and for a long period of time will significantly change my experience in the world. I feel like this is just a very small taste of what is possibly to come – something which I never thought would come my way. I never pictured myself as being ‘that girl’ that would have the experience of walking down the street and having men trip over themselves around her. I saw a woman like that when I was in Italy one time, walking down the street and all the men’s heads just turned and starred almost as though it was this force that had overtaken them. It’s so strange to think that I may possibly have a small slice of that one day. But it is also so exciting at the same time, that I could one day be that woman.

I hope that it comes true for me.

Don't touch the semen!

I had another Skype session with HL and this time we talked about congealing. Thus far I have been spreading the ejaculate all over my face and waiting for it to dry and washing it off. HL told me to leave the ejaculate as it is and to allow it to congeal which is when the ejaculate starts to feel lumpy. It is the congealing process that is restorative to the skin and he said that I will be able to feel it tighten as it congeals. HL said that Tigresses may go meditate after performing oral and that I should leave the ejaculate on my skin for fifteen to thirty minutes.

In the past, I have left the ejaculate on my skin for a while without touching it and I have felt it going lumpy. Later that day, after my meeting with HL, I went to my lover’s place and tried the congealing as HL had instructed. I meditated afterwards and it felt very peaceful, to sit still after such intense sexual activity. I felt the ejaculate congealing and my skin tightening. I was also thinking about the oral sex that I had just performed on my lover in it made me very aroused, so I brought myself to orgasm. Afterwards when I washed the dried ejaculate off my face I felt like I noticed an immediate difference in the firmness and smoothness of my skin.

I’m so excited to keep going with the practice and continue more with my restoration.

Starch free Tigress

This week I have started my starch free diet. I am attempting to be starch free for a week and then go onto a low starch diet. There is starch in many things! Wheat, bread, flour, corn, rice, beans, lentils, potatoes… as well as being a vegetarian, this doesn’t leave me with many things to eat! I am also not eating raw foods or cold foods.

At first on my new diet I was feeling quite light, but not hungry, which was a surprise. I think this may be because on my previous diet I used to eat many things that would make my blood sugar spike and then drop again (like cupcakes and chips!) which made me feel hungry a lot. But now eating basically fruit, veggies, tofu and diary, I am not experiencing that anymore.

On the following days I did start to move from feeling light to light-headed which wasn’t good. I think it will take a while to sort out the right diet for me and to have variety and all the nutrients I need in what I eat.

The not eating cold food has been really good actually. I’ve found that things taste better when they are slightly warm, even things like salad, and now that I am used to not eating cold food, trying to eat cold food again seems to send a shock through my body. I guess humans didn’t evolve to eat cold food and that is only a recent thing with the invention of refrigeration. I am enjoying experimenting with my diet and feeling my way through what a Tigress would have traditionally eaten.

I've been eating out as well on my new starch free diet. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought! For example, today I had a Laska without the noodles, just vegies and tofu. And it was delicious! It wasn't much different. I had it for lunch and normally I would go back to work feeling sleepy and heavy, but I just felt light and normal and able to be productive still, which was amazing.

I hope my new diet will help me maintain and enhance my physical beauty – I’d like to have a diet that helps my skin and my physical being glow with health. I am quite enjoying transforming my life into the lifestyle of a Tigress bit by bit.

What would a Tigress do?

Yesterday I had a moment where I was really struggling with the thoughts in my head. I spend a lot of my waking day, when I’m not distracted by a task in front of me, with really stressful, draining and paranoid thoughts. The cycle of thoughts can be hard to break, especially the longer I let them go on. They really wear me down, physically, psychologically, spiritually and emotionally. I feel like I have aged many years because of the stress and sadness that my thoughts bring me. And the other day I thought to myself, how much more beautiful would I be if I didn’t cry all the time?

This time I was waiting at the tram stop and when I started having these thoughts, and I thought to myself, ‘what would a Tigress do?’ The power of this thought was enough to break my chain of negative thoughts, and I thought about the qualities that a Tigress would have – gentleness, charity, compassion, and wisdom – and how she wouldn’t let thoughts that stress her out and age her enter her mind and her being. This helped me quite a bit and helped to refocus my mind. It was a new and beneficial way that the Tigress teachings impacted on my life.

I’ve tried it again since and haven’t been as successful. I guess at other times thinking ‘what would a Tigress do?’ wasn’t strong enough to battle the barrage of negative thoughts. But I think it will be something that I will keep on trying.

This morning I was thinking that a Tigress would not only be gentle on the world around her, but she would be gentle on herself too. This helped a little bit too.

I hope the Tigress practice will be able to help bring to my life the changes I need to be able to find some peace and happiness.

Eating like a Tigress

I had my second meeting with HS. I am so grateful that a Taoist master such as himself is taking the time to speak to me. After our meetings I always feel so happy and full of hope. I feel so strongly about the potential changes in my life that the White Tigress path will hold for me, both inside and out. I dream about being a beautiful White Tigress and the peace and happiness that I will have.

In our meeting we talked about many things again. One thing that HS has asked me to start doing is not eating cold or raw foods as they interfere with my menstrual cycle and to cut back on starches. Not eating cold or raw foods will be easy for me, as it is my natural inclination to eat food at room temperature anyway... as my lover can surely attest to, as I keep taking the chocolate out of the fridge after he has put it in the fridge! But cutting back starches will be challenging! My favourite foods are cupcakes and chips, which is full of starch!

I started researching it and cutting back on starches is a treatment for irritable bowel syndrome and people have claimed to be light and 'glowing' when eating this way. It's very interesting that this is the diet of Tigresses. I will slowly start to change my diet and see how it goes. I think overall it will be better for me.

We also talked about the Jade Stem meditation. HS said that the aim of them was not only to generate jing but to also help a Tigress reach the spiritual side of sexuality. Originally I've talked to my lover about getting a cast of his penis to have as my Jade Stem. I think I would really love that, especially when he goes away to the temple for his own practice for three years, I would enjoy having a part of him still with me. But HS told me that my Jade Stem should be too big. Getting a real jade stem may be very costly, however, because it needs to be made of good jade.

HS also taught me an exercise to do before bed to help express my qi.

I am very much enjoying incorporating bit by bit the practices of a Tigress into me every day life. The hour in which I do my Healing Tigress and Willow Waist exercises are among the most joyful and peaceful moments of my day.

Every day I live with a greater sense of purpose now.

Aung Sun Suu Kyi... a Tigress?

The other day, I was watching a documentary on Aung Sun Suu Kyi. She is such an inspirational women, so passionate and strong, yet gentle and wise. I was thinking about how Aung Sun Suu Kyi has managed to stay so beautiful for so long, and I started to think… maybe she is a White Tigress!

Now, I know this may be a long bow to draw, but I was thinking about the qualities of a Tigress – charity, compassion and wisdom – as well as gentleness and humility, and youth and beauty, and I was thinking that Aung Sun Suu Kyi has all of these qualities. So, perhaps, Aung Sun Suu Kyi is a White Tigress???

The clarity I have during oral sex

I have now listened to the first two lectures that HS has assigned me – one lecture on patience and one on clarity. The lecture on patience was very good and gave me a good understanding and foundation with which to approach my practice and my life. I’ve never thought about the value of patience before, so it’s been very good for me to think about this.

The lecture on clarity was amazing too. He gave the analogy of a glass of water with debris, and when you stir it you can’t see through it, but if you let it sit and all the debris settles, then you can see through it, and you will find clarity. He compared the debris to our thoughts. I thought this was a very powerful analogy and has helped me a little bit with the many many thoughts that plague me in my daily life. For a little bit of time it was easier to just see them as ‘debris’ and swat them away.

The more interesting part of my experience of listening to this lecture though is the mini-revelation I had! HS talk about two things that can get in your way when trying to achieve clarity – confusion, which is your mind being a million miles away with all these other thoughts, and dullness – which is feeling like you’re going to be falling asleep. He talked about how when you have clarity your mind is clear, and you are fully present and in the moment, and no longer have any concept of time.

The mini-revelation I had was that when I am fellating my lover, this is exactly the state that I am in! Even when I am have other types of sex, I still have many thoughts in my head and am not entirely in the moment. But during fellatio, I experience all these things that describe the experience of clarity – I experience complete absorption, contentment, and immersion in the moment, there are no thoughts in my mind and I have no concept of time. It was a really amazing revelation actually because this is the practice of the Tigress, that the Tigress experiences higher spiritual states through the act of fellatio, and it was really cool to think that this state of clarity that is a precursor to a higher spiritual state is already a state that I already experience quite naturally.

I am very excited to continue listening to HS lectures and see what else I learn. The next one is on tranquillity. I would also like to do more reading about QiGong generally and have a book that my lover gave me that I would really like to start. The problem is time though! I really need to make some time in my life so I can devote myself to this practice properly and am currently considering the other things I do in my life and what’s important to me to continue and what I can let go of. Big questions.

Starting my life as a Suckling Tigress

I had my first Skype session with HL today. I was so excited. We talked about many, many things – about some of the things a Suckling Tigress will learn, about considering my potential future as either a Denned, Leashed or Wandering Tigress, about the things I’ve been teaching myself, about the potential for coming over to where he is for some face-to-face training and about the practice in general. HS also told me that we need to damper my enthusiasm! Which I do understand.

He also did a face reading for me, which was very nice, he said he could see that I had a big spirit, a spirit that was bigger than my body. He asked me where I wanted to start and I said with the basics to help me understand the spiritual practice and he set me ten lectures to listen to and said he would send me a few things to read.

So now the big ‘initial meeting’ is over, I think HS thinks well of me so far, and my journey begins as a Suckling Tigress begins!!! OMG!!!

My tight vagina

I have been practicing the Healing Tigress exercises regularly which involve a number of vagina tightening exercises. The aim of the exercises is to restore your body back to its adolescent form, like it was before you started menstruating and before vaginal intercourse.

Anyway, I've been doing these exercises and hadn't seen my lover for a week when he came over and we made love. He commented on how tight I was feeling and I could feel it myself too... to me, it felt like I had a tight virginal vagina again! It took a few thrusts to get over the pain of penetration and to loosen my vagina again to fit his penis. And the pain wasn't because I wasn't aroused... in fact, he'd already given me an orgasm by the time he started penetrating me, so I should have been thoroughly aroused and relaxed! I look forward to the effects that more dedicated practice will have on my body and my vagina!

The best head job ever!

I have been learning the eight oral stimulation techniques in the Rousing the Dragon DVD and trying them out on my lover which he has thoroughly been enjoying!

The techniques have been so amazing, giving me a new appreciation of how I can show my love for this penis and expanding my mind of how I can engage with his jade stem and love his dragon head. I have enjoyed them all, except maybe Thunder, which is intense with the gagging.my lover has described to me how the different techniques feel to him, for example, the he can feel Valley radiating down to his foot and that Wind feels like it generates a lot of qi, which is cool. My lover says that my oral technique has been getting better and better and that I have given him the best head jobs that he's ever had, which is very exciting!

The White Tigress teachings have really drawn out my love for oral sex so much. At times I enjoy it more than intercourse and it always makes me so wet. I can't wait to be able to give head to the intensity of a White Tigress and render a man unconscious with pleasure!

A month of moving forward

It's been a month since my last blog and a lot has happened!

After becoming increasingly depressed that HS was not responding, he finally wrote back to me! He explained that he had been busy and was not ignoring me and we have emailed a new times since. It has been really amazing. I look forward to his emails so much and I have already learnt much from him. In two weeks time I will start my first Skype session with him where we will develop my Suckling Tigress training which will be so exciting!! I have already emailed him much information about me which he has been really positively responsive to. I also found out his Western name which blew my mind! I told my lover and he said that HS a very knowledgable and well respected Taoist master and thought it was amazing that he was going to be the one training me. Such a privilege.

I have also received the remainder of the White Tigress training materials available - the Green Tiger book, Healing Tigress exercises, Willow waist exercises, and Oral and manual stimulation techniques DVD. Where do I even start?!?

The Green Tiger book has been very good as it goes into more of the philosophy of the White Tigress and talks about the three Virtues - charity, compassion and wisdom. The Healing Tigress DVD has been very good to correct my technique as I hadn't taught myself all the exercises correctly from the book, the main difference being that I was not timing my exercises with my breathing. The Willow waist DVD has also been great as those exercises were much too difficult to learn from the book! There are still many many steps but I am slowly learning them.

The Rousing the Dragon DVD has been mind-blowing!! So exciting to learn these techniques and try them out on my lover.

The other thing that has happened since my last post is that I got my next period! So disappointing. I really though that I wouldn't get my period again this time either and my lover had to run to the store to get my emergency pads. But I guess the past month I have been doing my breast massages on and off rather than everyday like I was initially, so hopefully with great dedication I can reduce my period again next month.

My period is... gone?!?

I have been bleeding lightly and darkly for about two weeks when my period was supposed to come. But instead of having any ‘real’ period this month, the light bleeding just continued for two days and then disappeared all together! It was really incredibly that this month my period has been reduced down to almost nothing.

Even though there was little chance that I would be pregnant, I bought a pregnancy kit and tested myself anyway, because if I’d presented myself to a Western doctor and told him that I didn’t have my period this month, he would tell me to test myself for pregnancy. I wasn’t pregnant, as I suspected, which leaves the explanation of the White Tigress exercises I’ve been doing, some which are intended to reduce your menstrual flow.

It is absolutely incredible that in such a short period of time that the exercises may have had the effect that they have on my body. The exercises are meant to restore your body back to it’s adolescent state, when you first started getting your period. The other strange thing that happened was when I was at the temple for Chinese New Year, I was suddenly overcome with the need to vomit and have diarrhoea and pass out all at the same time. My lover and family thought that it was food poisoning, but when I was keeled over in the toilet I remembered that I had had this exact feeling before, when I was younger and first started menstruating and my periods used to hit me like a tonne of bricks, giving my nausea and diarrhoea and making me faint all at the same time.

Now, I know that may be a long string to draw, but sitting there, the feeling did feel familiar, and the familiarity was from that moment in my life. Nonetheless, regardless of whether that episode was related to my Tigress exercises or not, my period this month has been more or less non-existence which is in itself pretty amazing. I’m looking forward to my period next month to see it continues to be this way.

On a sadder note, HL still hasn’t responded to me. I hope he responds soon. I check my email hourly while I’m awake and feel so so sad that he hasn’t responded to me. I hope he hasn’t changed his mind. I don’t know what else I would do with my life if I wasn’t able to pursue this path.