A Tigress in Flight!

I have booked flights to go to the USA to meet with HL.

WOW! It is like it's really real now. 

I had some frequent flyer points that I was able to use to book the flights but it didn't cover the taxes so the flights still ended up costing over $800... which is not too bad because I didn't have to pay for the actual flight itself.

I will also need to pay for accommodation, food, and the teachings themselves, so it will all add up to a couple of thousand! It's a lot considering I'm on a student income but hopefully I will learn what I need to learn to start my first three years of practice from this trip.

I am very excited and look forward to everything that I will learn. 

HL and another Tigress will be teaching me the Oral and Manual stimulation techniques, Revitalising the Dragon and the Three Oral Treasures. I would love to learn everything that a Tigress traditionally learnt during her Suckling Tigress stage but unfortunately I don't have the funds to do so. I will need to learn everything later, though, if I want to teach other Tigresses in the future. When I return to full-time work after my studies that will give me the finances to undertake the rest of the teachings.

It seems like a lot to learn in a short period of time! I guess traditionally Suckling Tigresses would have been learning from their teacher every day, whereas so much needs to be taught to me in the two weeks that I will be in the States.

It will be amazing though and I very much looked forward to coming back filled with knowledge :)

My lover has suggested doing some preparation before I go there, like learning the basics such as the meridian system which I think is a very good idea. I will ask him to bring me some books so I can learn from them. He is an amazing man... it's like he's become my second teacher in many ways!

My period is... gone?!?

I have been bleeding lightly and darkly for about two weeks when my period was supposed to come. But instead of having any ‘real’ period this month, the light bleeding just continued for two days and then disappeared all together! It was really incredibly that this month my period has been reduced down to almost nothing.

Even though there was little chance that I would be pregnant, I bought a pregnancy kit and tested myself anyway, because if I’d presented myself to a Western doctor and told him that I didn’t have my period this month, he would tell me to test myself for pregnancy. I wasn’t pregnant, as I suspected, which leaves the explanation of the White Tigress exercises I’ve been doing, some which are intended to reduce your menstrual flow.

It is absolutely incredible that in such a short period of time that the exercises may have had the effect that they have on my body. The exercises are meant to restore your body back to it’s adolescent state, when you first started getting your period. The other strange thing that happened was when I was at the temple for Chinese New Year, I was suddenly overcome with the need to vomit and have diarrhoea and pass out all at the same time. My lover and family thought that it was food poisoning, but when I was keeled over in the toilet I remembered that I had had this exact feeling before, when I was younger and first started menstruating and my periods used to hit me like a tonne of bricks, giving my nausea and diarrhoea and making me faint all at the same time.

Now, I know that may be a long string to draw, but sitting there, the feeling did feel familiar, and the familiarity was from that moment in my life. Nonetheless, regardless of whether that episode was related to my Tigress exercises or not, my period this month has been more or less non-existence which is in itself pretty amazing. I’m looking forward to my period next month to see it continues to be this way.

On a sadder note, HL still hasn’t responded to me. I hope he responds soon. I check my email hourly while I’m awake and feel so so sad that he hasn’t responded to me. I hope he hasn’t changed his mind. I don’t know what else I would do with my life if I wasn’t able to pursue this path.

The Only Path

I emailed HL a few days ago asking him if he will be happy to start teaching me via Skype in February. He hasn’t written back yet and I’m very anxious to get his reply. I keep checking my email over and over for his response and it hasn’t come yet! I really hope he hasn’t changed his mind. I will be so devastated if he does. I think I would just curl up and cry for days.

In the meantime I’ve been googling White Tigress and reading what other women have been putting up. Of course, not knowing the practice well myself it’s hard to judge, but some of the things out there seem very, very wrong! Like one website in which a woman is advocating for the use of the term White Tigress to replace the word cougar, and another website put up by a woman who practises BDSM and the White Tigress practices together and is allowing men to apply to be her ‘slave’.

In my reading of the sexual teachings of the White Tigress, this seems to go completely against my understanding of the practice which teaches women submission and recreating adolescent like sexual behaviour of playfulness, innocence and wonderment. To me, the White Tigress is not a dark seductress but a sweet , youthful and playful girl. Since the beginning, it’s also always seemed odd to me that a White Tigress would go and advertise her wares online, when the book stresses secrecy and the White Tigress desire for anonymity.

Anyway, I hope HL writes back to me very, very soon.

I don’t know what else I would do with my life if I didn’t have the opportunity to pursue the teachings of the White Tigress. The rest of life seems so futile now. I feel I’ve lost much motivation to pursue anything else in life – my studies, my work, my past times, the day to day maintenance of life, even my social life and spending time with my friends feels less fulfilling. All I seem to want to do now is pursue this path and leave the rest of the world I know behind. So, I hope he responds soon so I can start my journey.

Frustration!! The 'perversions' of the White Tigress

I saw my friend again today. We talked more about the White Tigress practice and she seemed to have had some time to think about it. She asked me a lot of questions, like would I need to have sex with the teacher? If I went somewhere for teaching, would there be a quota on the number of men I’d have to have sex with, like a hundred a year? Do women have to have sex with men they don’t want to?

Her questions made me feel quite offended, like she was implying the practice was akin to sexual slavery or the sexual exploitation of women (which is a topic that I have dedicated my academic, personal and professional life to eradicating).

I felt like she was imposing a Western, Victorian and patriarchal understanding of sexuality onto a practice that developed in a completely different socio-historical era. This was understandable, as the only framework we have had for understanding sexuality is that of a Western/Victorian/patriarchal society. However, imposing our current understanding of sexuality onto the practices of the White Tigress made the who practice seem perverse and exploitative. The limitations of a Western/Victorian/patriarchal understanding of sexuality was that ‘good sex’ was only able to exist in loving relationships and that sexuality used outside this context was somehow perverse or exploitative. The notion of sacred sexuality or sexuality used in the pursuit of spirituality is incomprehensible within our current understanding of sexuality.

She also reminded me of our shared feminist awakening, reading about women and sexuality, loving sexuality, non-heterosexual sexuality, the sexuality of equals, which leads to loving, women-centred sex. She questioned how my new found interest in the practices of the White Tigress could be reconciled with my feminist understanding of sexuality. I also found this a bit offensive as, firstly, I didn’t need to be reminded of a feminist analysis of sexuality as it is the basis of my PhD thesis and constitutes much of my existence, and secondly, as I saw the practices of the White Tigress as not anti-feminist.

In a previous post I have already discussed the issue of feminism and the White Tigress. I feel like under a capitalist and patriarch society, sexuality has been perverted and disembodied, especially through practices such as pornography, prostitution and stripping. I feel the practices of the White Tigress as a way of re-conceptualising women’s sexuality, a way of being able to see women’s sexuality ‘anew’ in a way that is beyond the limitations of the Western/Victorian/patriarchal conceptualisation of sexuality which is heaped in judgement and guilt. The example of seeing a White Tigress who seeks the sexual essence and energy of a thousand men as a ‘whore’ is exactly the Victorian understanding of sex that the White Tigress transcends. In addition, to use sexuality as a way to experience spirituality and to achieve youthfulness, vitality and longevity also transcends our limited current understandings of sexuality.

But it is frustrating, although understandable, that our current conditioning to view sexuality in a particular ways is so strong that the practices of the White Tigress can only be seen as perverted. I think I was also frustrated because I am yet to fully understand the practice and I was able to articulate my position very well.

I have decided to not talk to any other friends about the practice, as I think I will find it too frustrating and will encounter these misunderstandings of the practices over and over. It is sad that I feel like I shouldn’t communicate my new found path to others because of how crudely misunderstood the practice will be.

He responded!

HL responded to me today! I’m so excited! In his email, he wrote that from the information I gave him that I may be suited for the practice and gave me some options for moving forward. He also asked for my birth details to check me BaZi chart for my suitability for the practice… scary!

My boyfriend has also ordered for me the Green Dragon book and DVDs showing the exercises, so I’m also looking forward to receiving them. He commented the other day that my nipples are more prominent or ‘bullet’ like, which is not great! Two of the breast massage exercises I'm doing are actually for making the nipples more prominent, so maybe I shouldn’t do those anymore? I don’t want overbearing nipples.

My boyfriend is continuing to not ejaculate and is circulating his own chi during our intercourse. I hope his only drawing up his own chi and not sucking out mine. His non-ejaculation makes it hard for me to practice on him but I guess I can live with that for a while. He also gave me a book about dual sexual cultivation for women and how the practice is good for both partners. It will be interesting to read as the White Tigress practice is not a strong advocate of sexual intercourse for women, instead focusing on the benefits of fellatio for women. I have started reading the book and it is interesting, but does take me like the White Tigress teachings did.

I can’t wait to keep corresponding with HL and seeing what comes of it!

Making Contact

Today I tried to find the contact details for HL, the author of The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress.

My search was absolutely futile. Despite the book claiming that HL lectures throughout the world on Taoism, I wasn't able to locate his contact details anyway. In fact, I wasn't able to get almost any extra information on him at all.

Instead I've contacted the White Tigress Society, introducing myself and enquiring about whether they are able to put me in contact with any teachers or anyone else who may be able to help me. I hope the response will be positive. I feel much need for some guidance and feel that even though the book has been enlightening and that there is much more that I can teach myself, I desire to have someone who understands the practice to talk to.

(p.s. if you do know how to contact HL or anyone else who may have knowledge about the practice, please let me know!)

A strange new path

Today I told one of my closest friends about my new practice. She is the most accepting and open-minded friend I have, and definitely the person who I wanted to talk to about this first. I felt like I spoke so much! Like all the words just tumbled out of my mouth because I was so excited and I didn’t know where to start and where to stop. It was really hard to explain, the philosophy and the physical practises. The particularly hard bits were the bits that at first glance sat in contradiction with feminist values on sex and sexuality, as she too is a feminist like I am. She asked many questions that were expected, like what if the teachings of the White Tigress was written by a man who just wanted women to give him head jobs, and how can it be pleasurable for the woman to just be giving the man head jobs and not having intercouse, and wasn’t it mean to suck the life force out of men? I guess, in particular, not having an understanding of Taoist philosophy made it particularly hard to understand the significance of many of the practices. But, all in all, I think she was quite receptive and interested in the practice and even asked for a copy of the book so she could read it. I did at times, though, feel like the way she was speaking about the practice was a little bit off. But I never expected her (or anyone) to take to the practice as I have. I can completely understand that the practices would seem alien and strange and even off putting to most women, and that my drawing to it is something quite unique to me. Reading about the teachings of the White Tigress resonated so much with me because I feel like they already reflect my natural sexual inclinations, so much so that my boyfriend believes that I was a White Tigress in my past life. I think my being drawn to the practice is based upon this. Therefore, I wouldn’t expect other women to react the same way.

I am excited, however, to have told one of my very best friends about my new found path, and for her curiosity, acceptance and support. I’m grateful of having someone else to talk to about this, outside of my boyfriend. I think from now on, though, I am not going to tell anyone else about the specific practices of the White Tigress, that I will talk about the broader aims and the path of the White Tigress but not what she does to get there. I feel like it’s too difficult to explain and I feel disheartened when the practices are misunderstood. Also, I like the feeling of it being my little secret, and feel like keeping the practices secret is respecting the secrecy with which these practices have been passed down throughout history.

I did call my boyfriend that night to tell him about my conversation with my friend, and it was nice to talk to someone with a developed understanding of Taoist philosophy and to felt like he understood me so well. We discussed how no other man could now relate to me as he does, now that I’ve undertaken this esoteric path, who else would understand me? Since him presenting me with this book, I feel even more and more the destined nature of our relationship and that in my adult life, he is the man I am meant to be with. I can’t even describe in words how much love I feel for him. It is almost overwhelming and brings me to the brink of tears.

At the end of our conversation, he told me that he has been reading the Jade Dragon book and that he was liking and appreciating it, which I was very, very happy with. I am very much looking forward to trying out the practices of the Jade Dragon with him, and hope that it will bring him some rejuvenation too.