The Passionate Handjob

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A strange new path

Today I told one of my closest friends about my new practice. She is the most accepting and open-minded friend I have, and definitely the person who I wanted to talk to about this first. I felt like I spoke so much! Like all the words just tumbled out of my mouth because I was so excited and I didn’t know where to start and where to stop. It was really hard to explain, the philosophy and the physical practises. The particularly hard bits were the bits that at first glance sat in contradiction with feminist values on sex and sexuality, as she too is a feminist like I am. She asked many questions that were expected, like what if the teachings of the White Tigress was written by a man who just wanted women to give him head jobs, and how can it be pleasurable for the woman to just be giving the man head jobs and not having intercouse, and wasn’t it mean to suck the life force out of men? I guess, in particular, not having an understanding of Taoist philosophy made it particularly hard to understand the significance of many of the practices. But, all in all, I think she was quite receptive and interested in the practice and even asked for a copy of the book so she could read it. I did at times, though, feel like the way she was speaking about the practice was a little bit off. But I never expected her (or anyone) to take to the practice as I have. I can completely understand that the practices would seem alien and strange and even off putting to most women, and that my drawing to it is something quite unique to me. Reading about the teachings of the White Tigress resonated so much with me because I feel like they already reflect my natural sexual inclinations, so much so that my boyfriend believes that I was a White Tigress in my past life. I think my being drawn to the practice is based upon this. Therefore, I wouldn’t expect other women to react the same way.

I am excited, however, to have told one of my very best friends about my new found path, and for her curiosity, acceptance and support. I’m grateful of having someone else to talk to about this, outside of my boyfriend. I think from now on, though, I am not going to tell anyone else about the specific practices of the White Tigress, that I will talk about the broader aims and the path of the White Tigress but not what she does to get there. I feel like it’s too difficult to explain and I feel disheartened when the practices are misunderstood. Also, I like the feeling of it being my little secret, and feel like keeping the practices secret is respecting the secrecy with which these practices have been passed down throughout history.

I did call my boyfriend that night to tell him about my conversation with my friend, and it was nice to talk to someone with a developed understanding of Taoist philosophy and to felt like he understood me so well. We discussed how no other man could now relate to me as he does, now that I’ve undertaken this esoteric path, who else would understand me? Since him presenting me with this book, I feel even more and more the destined nature of our relationship and that in my adult life, he is the man I am meant to be with. I can’t even describe in words how much love I feel for him. It is almost overwhelming and brings me to the brink of tears.

At the end of our conversation, he told me that he has been reading the Jade Dragon book and that he was liking and appreciating it, which I was very, very happy with. I am very much looking forward to trying out the practices of the Jade Dragon with him, and hope that it will bring him some rejuvenation too.

My breast massages are getting better

I have been practising the White Tigress breast massages every day for a few days now, and every day they become more pleasurable, even becoming aroused. I’m really looking forward to the affect that they may have on my body and my spirit, and can’t wait to have intercourse with my boyfriend again to see if he thinks my vagina is tighter.

Breast massages

Today I tried to teach myself the exercises of the White Tigress. The breast massages were relatively easier to understand although I hope I’m not missing something and doing them wrong. My breasts started to feel a bit over massaged, so I eased off on the pressure, although my boyfriend later told me that it could be just stagnation and that it’ll subside.

The Willow Waist exercises, however, were impossible! I was totally lost after step six and was just completely unable to teach myself. Quite distraught I called my boyfriend and he reminded me of the DVDs available online. Luckily, one of them teaches you the Willow Waist exercises and he said he would order them for me, which I am very excited about and greatly for. I can’t wait to start them and start my full training schedule!

I need to do the exercises for one hundred days. The breast exercises alone take 40 mins, so it will take up a fair bit of my time. I hope I can keep it up. I feel very motivated though.

Red Rash

Today I had a slightly strange reaction. First, my boyfriend told me that he was not going to ejaculate for a month because he felt like in the past year of our relationship he has already ejaculated hundreds of times and that it was aging him rapidly. I understand and think this is a good idea too, but I was also outraged as I’ve just started practising and I need his semen! But I think this will be good for him, physically and spiritually, and will give me some time to prepare my body with the White Tigress exercises before continuing.

The strange reaction came when we were having intercourse and my boyfriend decided to pull out and ejaculate on my face to give me his semen one last time, because I had been so distraught at his announcement that he would not be ejaculating for a month. It felt nice and warm and afterwards I did the nine inhalations. Then I mediated with his semen on my face and I felt blissful and happy. The same feeling that I get after going deep into my meditation I was able to achieve almost instantaneously. It was really amazing, sitting in an instantaneously blissful state, picturing myself absorbing his qi in his semen through the skin on my face. When I looked in the mirror afterwards, I felt my skin looked so youthful and good again, like it did the first time.

Then I walked around for a bit and when I went back to wipe his semen off, and my skin had broken out into a rash, little red dots all on my checks and chin. It freaked the hell out me of and I had no idea what was going on. I was quite confused and distraught, which made my boyfriend distraught, as I didn’t understand what was going on. After I wiped the semen off my face and settled down for a bit, I had a bit of a think and I think it may have been two things. First, I may have left the semen on my face for too long, as it is only meant to be there for three or four minutes. Second, and more likely, I think I skipped ahead in the practice too quickly. Absorbing the Dragon’s Breath is an intense practice and something that the White Tigress needs to work up to. I think I was too eager, trying everything at once, when I should have been slower and learnt each stage step by step. I think I will concentrate on Congealing the Dragon’s Jade first, experiencing and appreciating that before attempting to Absorb the Dragon’s Breath again. Too bad my boyfriend isn’t going to ejaculate again for another month though!

My first practice - Congealing the Dragon's Jade and Absorbing the Dragon's Breath

Today I had my first attempt at Congealing the Dragon’s Jade and Absorbing the Dragon’s Breath. My boyfriend was quite willing to be my test subject, as I’m sure he anticipated that there would be much pleasure in it for him too. He isn’t real a Green Dragon, however, as he knew exactly what I was trying to do to him and we are in a relationship together. He would be my Jade Dragon more than anything else. But for now, he was my pretend Green Dragon.

It was a little awkward to start but soon it took on a life of its own and became very exciting. I eventually worked my way down to his penis where I tried out a few new things I had learnt on him. Soft, hard, shallow, deep, underside, left side, right side, below and on top. I think he thoroughly enjoyed himself, I could see it when I looked up at his face. He has a particular expression that he makes when he gets very turned on, and it arouses me so much to see that expression on his face. I asked him to hold my hair, as the White Tigress instructed, to give him a vision of my submissiveness. He wasn’t used to doing that but soon became used to it. I tried really hard to remember what the White Tigress had instructed me. To prolong the act to make him as aroused as possible, to produce lots of saliva, and to be submissive.

After he became aroused I stopped and did the nine inhalations, closing my vagina, pulling up through my anus, picturing a green vapour coming out of his penis and filling my head. Then we kept going and he got more and more excited, and started using the hands he had placed on my head to aid the motion, pushing is penis deep into my throat. I was scared he would ejaculate in my mouth as I was meant to see the first spurt of ejaculation, and then after that direct it onto my face. But I caught him in time and was able to witness it, and then pressed his penis against my cheek so he would ejaculate onto my face. It was such a surreal moment, passing so quickly and intensely. His semen was warm and sticky and felt amazing on my cheeks. I have never had a man cum on my face before. After he was finished, I performed the nine inhalations again, and then spread his semen all over my face, and meditated with his cum on my face, picturing myself absorbing all of his qi through his semen.

Afterwards, I was so so tired. I was suddenly absolutely depleted and also really cold. I just curled up on the couch and lay there while he made me dinner. It was so strange because in my readings, the White Tigress was meant to feel invigorated and energised after Absorbing the Dragon’s Breath, and the man was meant to be depleted of all his energy, not the other way round! But my boyfriend, who has trained for many years in Taoist sexual practices, told me that during the act he also started sucking his own qi back up because he didn’t want to lose too much. I was outraged!! He should have just let me take all his qi without resistance! :P

Perhaps he did it too well and had also started reversing the process, taking my qi instead. Or perhaps it was also because I was very tired to start with, having stayed up late the night before read the White Tigress book and then being at work all day. My boyfriend also suggested that it may have been because I was concentrating so hard on what I was doing and so I was tired from all the exertion.

When I wiped his semen off my face with a damp cloth, however, I had to say that I felt like my skin was radiant. Or perhaps I was radiant and it glowed through my skin, the excitement of having attempted the practice. Either way, I felt like my skin was immediately more youthful and I felt very beautiful.

The experience was also extremely intense. I have never been so intensely absorbed in giving a man a head job and have never been so completely immersed in the experience. It was like the whole world melt away and there was just me and his penis in my mouth. It was extremely enjoyable and even though I had received minimal stimulation myself, I felt completely satisfied afterwards and not at all longing for more. I am definitely looking forward to trying it again.

Feminism and the White Tigress

It is a great shame that modern day pornography has perverted our understanding of sex and sexuality. As a feminist, I have spent much time working against the sex industry and its encroachment onto our lives and how we understand and perform our sexuality. I’ve always been deeply disturbed by the disembodied, disempowered and degrading use of female bodies in pornography, as well as the buying and selling of a female body to hundreds or perhaps even thousands of men in prostitution.

Coming to terms with the sexual teachings of the White Tigress and the awakening of my sexuality that this entailed has meant dealing with how these sexual practices have conflicted with my feminist understandings of sexuality. Or at least, how they have appeared to conflict on the surface.

Most of these conflicts, however, have felt to me as more intellectual then intuitive. As mentioned in my first post, so many of the sexual teachings of the White Tigress have felt intuitive and natural to me. However, because some of the sexual practices of the White Tigress resemble the acts seen in pornography, and as pornography is a great perversion and debasement of sexuality, learning of the White Tigress has made me need to reconceptualise these same acts in a new and different light.

The first practice that at first glance sits uneasily with my feminist analysis of pornography is the practice of Congealing the Dragon’s Jade which requires the man to ejaculate on the woman’s face. Because the ‘cum shot’ has been so central to pornography and is degrading to women, in many ways representing the ultimate use of her body and her face as a sex object, the intuitive feminist reaction to such a practice is to feel repulsion. But in the White Tigress practice, which was developed long before pornography, ejaculating onto the woman’s face was used as a means of physical restoration of the skin. Practicing the teachings of the White Tigress has required me to understanding the same act in a different manner, and to dissociate it from the negative connotations of porn.

In a similar manner, the practices of the White Tigress encourage women to gag on the man’s penis. This act, too, has been grossly perverted by porn. ‘Gagging’ has been used as an act to cause suffering to women in pornography, and to totally dominate the woman so much so that she is no longer able to control her body or the sex act that is being done to her. The same act in the practices of the White Tigress, however, is used to increase the production of saliva. Saliva, in Taoist practices, is a health-giving fluid and a component of the elixir of immortality. Gagging increases saliva production, from which the woman will reap benefits, and increases the eroticism of the act for man, working him into a higher state of arousal through which he will ejaculate more semen, which is the ultimate goal of the White Tigress and the key to her physical and spiritual restoration.

Another example of a White Tigress which, at first glance, sits uncomfortably with feminist values is the teaching of submissiveness. In the practices of the White Tigress, however, her submissiveness is aimed at extracting from the man as much qi as possible, as the more receptive the woman is, the more the man is inclined to give.

These are some of the teachings of the White Tigress which at first may seem to sit in contradiction to feminist ideas of sex and sexuality. However, these acts need to be taken outside of our current understandings of sex and sexuality that have been heavily shaped by pornography. These practices need to be understood in a completely different context, where the physical acts may be the same, but the connotations of the acts are completely different. Besides which, the ultimate goal of the White Tigress is to extract the life energy of many, many unwitting men, to replenish her own qi and to ensure her youth, beauty and longevity. And those are not the acts of a submissive woman.

Learning of the White Tigress

For Christmas, my boyfriend gave me a book titled The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress: Secrets of the Female Taoist Masters.

I've been interested in sacred sexuality since reading about the history of prostitution for my PhD thesis. I've long been a feminist who is appalled by prostitution and the sex industry as it exists today. It has always seemed like such a disembodied and exploitative use of sex, and has long disturbed me as a feminist. Reading about the history of prostitution both opened my eyes to the very different forms that sexuality has taken in the past, and reconfirmed my belief that prostitution and pornography as they exist today are gross perversions of our sexuality. In reading about the history of prostitution, I came across the sexual practices of Mesopotamia in the Temples of Ishtar - a form of sarced sexuality, practised by women in worship of the goddess Ishtar, when the world was still matriarchal.

Opening and reading The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress was just an incredible experience. I became so absorbed in the text and I kept on reading the book at every moment that I could during our Christmas celebrations, and most of the time that I wasn't reading the book, I was thinking about the book and waiting for a moment where I could go back to it.

When all the many Christmas festivities were finally over, and I was finally back at home in my bed, I stayed up all night to finish the book. It spoke to me about my sexuality in a way that I had never experienced before. The book was both enlightening, showing me a form of expressing my sexuality that was whole, woman-centred and powerful, and eerily intuitive, describing to me a form of sexuality in the way that it should be, a form of sexuality inside myself that I felt had been pushing to be expressed but was misdirected by how our sexuality is used and misused in modern Western society.

I felt like so many of the sexual teachings of the White Tigress were natural sexual inclinations that I already possessed. But now, the framework of sacred sexuality and the practises of the White Tigress gave me a path through which to refine and express my natural sexual inclinations in a way that would lead to maintaining my youth, beauty, life energy, health and longevity.

My boyfriend thinks I may have been a White Tigress in my former life, as he's never been with a woman who does the things I do during sex, and that I feel naturally and intuitively driven to do. My boyfriend is also basically the only man I have ever been with, and I was twenty-nine years old when we became lovers. The reason that I first made love to a man at age 29 was because I was a lesbian before meeting him. Having sex with him was simply mind-blowing, taking me to states of ecstasy that I had never experienced before. It seemed like a natural and intuitive thing to me to clean his penis after having sex and to gently suck on his penis after ejaculating as it goes soft. When I see his penis, I feel a compulsion to take it into my mouth, and become completely absorbed and engrossed in licking and sucking and tasting his penis in my mouth. It makes me so excited and wet to have his penis in my mouth. I took all these feelings and experiencesto be a given, having never really been with a man before. But my boyfriend has told me that these experiences are not the norm at all and that most women do no react the way that I react.

Reading the sexual teachings of the White Tigress blew my mind as the text described White Tigresses doing as I was doing. It described White Tigresses as aiming to recreate adolescent-like behaviour, and my natural child-like behaviour has always been a feature of my personality. It described how the White Tigress would clean the penis after sex, and how the White Tigress would take the penis into her mouth after ejaculation in a practice known as 'Absorbing the Dragons Breath'. It described the body of a White Tigress, with her willow waist, small firm breasts and long black hair, which describes my body. In these and other ways, my natural inclinations around sex already resembled that of a White Tigress, which is why my boyfriend has been led to believe that I must have been a White Tigress in my past life.

I am so excited about rediscovering my sexuality and about finding a path my physical, sexual and spiritual restoration and development.