Charity and Gratitude

Today when I was practising my Healing Tigress exercises, during the bit where I was sitting in meditation thinking of myself as beautiful and practising gratitude, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a new realisation that I had not had before.

Last night when I was massaging my lover and bringing him to orgasm, I felt such joy being able to give him this experience, and then to cover him with a doona and let him drift off to sleep relaxed and satisfied. I felt so happy looking at him sleeping in my bed.

In one of the White Tigress books, it talks about the three qualities of a White Tigress - Charity, Compassion and Wisdom. Whenever I am doing the meditation bit of my Healing Tigress, I always try and picture these three qualities and picture that I will one day have these qualities.

Today, when I was up to that part of the practice, I was overwhelmed by a sense of understanding of what it was to be beautiful from the inside out. Although, of course, intellectually I've always understood beauty comes from the inside out, and that it also one of the things I picture when I meditate, today I felt what this meant. I thought back to last night and how I acted towards my lover with charity - to give for the pure act of giving itself, to give without expecting anything in return, and to treasure so much the act of giving itself. I was overwhelmed that for a short time I was able to practice one of the qualities of a Tigress that made her beautiful from the inside out. And I felt so appreciative and grateful that my lover had given me the opportunity to practice this. It was strange but I was on the verge of (happy) tears throughout my whole meditation having realised that. That for a moment, I was beautiful from the inside out - which is so much more powerful and beautiful then just being beautiful on the outside.

My Shrine and Meditation Table

Today I went to IKEA and bought a little table to set up my meditation stuff and my shrine. I also got a little blue candle for the shrine and am hoping to get a few more things, like fake flowers or potpourri. And I got some little blue towels as the lubricant I used for the Jade Stem exercises can leave a bit of a mess. The table I got was actually meant to be a tv stand but it works perfectly and is small enough for me to sit in front of cross legged and not have it tower over me. I’m hoping to get a cloth to cover the table too.

It looks so much neater and is such a nicer place to do my practices. I can’t wait to finish my shrine and have everything set up nicely.

Green Mist Filling My Mind

Today when I did the Bao Yi meditation, a strange thing happened. While I was holding the image in my mind, my vision just filled with this green misty haze. It floated in front of the image, although I could still see the image through it. I tried to shoo it away but it just stayed there. So I just hung out and watched it and let it float around in my field of vision. Then after a while it disappeared and the image was back to normal.

It was a very cool experience to have and nice to have some ‘affirmation’, so to speak, that my dedication to the practice is evolving or having some sort of impact.

Meditation and Back Pain

Today I made a slight adjustment to how I do my Bao Yi mediation because of my back pain.

I have had back pain for a long time, almost fifteen years, and lately it’s become a real struggle to do the meditation because of the pain. One of the things that aggravates my back pain the most is sitting, so the seated meditation causes me to be in more pain (even though meditation is supposed to relax you and reduce pain levels, I guess I’m not yet skilled enough to meditate against the rising pain levels enough to counteract them!).

Anyway, I have stuck the poster up on my roof – it was quite a feat, being five foot tall I had to precariously balance on a stool on my bed, wobbling and trying to stick the poster on the roof and not fall over!

So, now I can lie on my bed and look at the poster. To stop the qi from escaping from my vaginal entrance, I scrunch up some of the bedsheet into a ball and place it there.

I think this will help my meditation practice a lot. I’ll be able to reduce my pain levels while doing it and I won’t be put off doing the practice on days where my pain levels are high because it won’t aggravate my back more. Score!